MAPLEFUR - THUNDERCLAN

[✿-L!LLY]

what have i done?
wish i could run
away from this ship
going under

she finally drank her pain away
a little at a time
but she never could get drunk enough
to get him off her mind

xx. in a nutshell.
Name: maplekit maplepaw maplefur
Age: twenty-five moons {a little over two years.}
Rank: warrior
Clan: thunderclan

just trying to help
hurt everyone else
now i feel the weight of the world
is on my shoulders

[/size]

she put that bottle to her head
and pulled the trigger
and finally drank away
his memory

xx. only skin deep.
Short Description: a grey and white she-cat with enchanting blue eyes.
Full Appearance: maplefur is a dainty little she-cat. petite and thin. she is smaller than the average for her age, from her ears to the tip of her tail. her fur isn't quite shaggy, but isn't smooth either. it can stick out at times, causing maple much irritation. she's doesn't usually like wasting time on her grooming her fur every day. it is a light mixture of grey and white, the two colors harmonizing together throughout her pelt. her tail is long and fluffier than the rest of her body. her legs are small, but when she's running, they move at a blinding speed. the most dominant and enchanting feature of her is her eyes. sure, a lot of cats have sparkling and beautiful eyes, but maple's blue orbs tell a story. a story of her past, tough emotions, all the pain that she endured can be seen in her bright blue gaze. they hold more emotion than you would think a cat her age can have. her eyes are the key to her soul, after all. if she's trying to hide an emotion/feeling, it can be seen in her eyes.

what can you do when
your good isn't good enough
and all that you touch
tumbles down

life is short
but this time it was bigger
than the strength she had
to get up off her knees

xx. who i am.
Personality: everything about maplefur connects to her past. she is a guarded cat; she rarely lets anyone inside her guard wall. she's very picky about her friends and the cats she chooses to spend her free time with. she can appear a depressed cat, sorrowful and antisocial. that's not entirely the case, though. she is heavy with sadness, but you can hardly blame her considering the things she has been through. she tries to be upbeat about her life, and she actually is caring towards others and quite friendly, although shy. she is a reliable she-cat and a good friend to tell a secret to. she would never betray one's trust, because she knows the pain that comes with betrayal.
she doesn't trust easily and barely has any close friends because of it. she can be troubled easily, even by the slightest things. she can also be a bit selfish, getting irritated if an apprentice gets a bigger piece of prey than her or some other ridiculous thing. maplefur is a diligent she-cat and works hard to fend for her clan. she feels the need to prove herself to each and every one of her clanmates time and time again, so maybe, just maybe, she will feel accepted. she never does. not because her clanmates are harsh to her, but because she keeps telling herself. you're worthless, you don't belong here. you're not good enough for clan life. just go back to being a loner. she's quite intelligent for her young age, learning from the mistakes of her past and gaining knowledge from them. she's very protective, overly-protective to some.

'cause my best intentions
keep making a mess of things
just wanna fix it somehow

we found with her face
down in the pillow
clinging to his picture
for dear life

xx. the past is the past.

[/i]
History: i was born a loner, just outside the clans' territories. back then, i was called maple. nothing more. i was born in the litter of three, along with my sister and brother. my father and mother were two very loving cats, and i was close with my family. closer than most; we spent a bountiful amount of time together. we also moved around a lot, not too far away from our previous homes. we just liked to be in new places, not confined to stick in one. [that changed when i joined the clans later on, but everything about me changed when i moved to the clans.] when i was a year old, my whole world was turned upside down. i was still living with my siblings and parents. i could have left for my own life, but i was just too close with my family to leave.
i met him when i was hunting. we bumped into each other when we were scurrying after the same mouse. i thought a fight was going to break out, so i was grateful to have my brother at my side. but, the tom was kind about it. i'm sure i looked like an idiot, just standing there staring at him. i couldn't help it, everything about him pulled me in. his face, his voice, even his smell. it was intoxicating. i would've stood there all day, just looking at him, but my brother pulled me away. a few days passed and i saw him again. this time, he introduced himself. his name was kobi. such a sweet name, i thought. or, i used to think. now the name just haunts me. kobi made me promise that we would meet again, and we did. those nights we spent under the stars are the best of my life. my parents warned me about kobi; they felt something odd about him. i ignored them, of course, i was in love with kobi. there was nothing wrong with him; he was perfect for me.
my sister was happy for me, thank her. she had been with countless toms, and was joyful to see me with one. my brother tried to ban me from seeing kobi, but i refused. he had no such power to do so. kobi had became my life. that said, it was no surprise to my family that i ran away with him. kobi and i found a serene, beautiful nest with a stream running along beside it. it was our new home. it also wasn't too far away from my family, so i wouldn't miss them too much. [to this day, it scares me that i went to live with kobi when i had only known the tom for three moons.] i was certain that kobi and i were going to be mates for eternity. he said that too, he promised me that he would always love me.
no surprise here. two moons after we started our life together, i was pregnant. i was much too young to be getting pregnant with any tom, but i completely ignored that fact. it was kobi. kobi was my life. we would make great parents for our kits and be a happy family. kobi was such a dear the first moons of my pregnancy. we talked nonstop about what we would name our kits and what they would look like. i only realized his true personality when i was only days away from having kits. kobi snapped. out of the blue. he abused me physically, but not as much as he abused me emotionally. he said i was worthless and that i was going to die in labor. he told me he was going to take my kits when i birthed them and kill me.
i was shocked. my kobi was gone, replaced my this cruel stranger. he would snap at me if i said something, so i learned to keep quiet. i tried running away, believe me, but kobi was always there, dragging me back to him. i was terrified, not only for my life, but for my kits. raised by this ambitious, horrible tom as a father? no kit deserved that. when my kits came, it was more painful that i imagined. i lost a lot of blood and passed out a few seconds after my kits were born.
i awoke alone, in the back of my nest, the night dark and haunting. my mother had taught me about herbs and such when i was young, so i knew which ones to take to make me feel stronger and better. when i glanced around, my eyes landed on my stillborn kit. but, there was only one. the stillborn tom that lay next to me wasn't the only kit i gave birth to that day. kobi had taken the other one, i assumed. i pray to starclan each night that my poor kit got away from its father. all i know is that my kit was a tom, about eleven moons old currently. i missed him terribly, every night. i also missed kobi, as crazy as that sounds. he was a good mate to me before my pregnancy. i wish he would've stayed like that.
one day, i'll find my son. after i had buried my stillborn son under a beautiful oak tree, i traveled back to my family. i found my mother and my sister dead in the cave they lived in. obviously from blood loss. i saw the gashes and scratches on their pelts, their once beautiful fur matted with their own blood. i frantically searched the area for my brother and , and thankfully i found them. however, i was greeted by my father's dead body and my brother gasping for breath. i lay down by his side, heard his last words, and watched him die in my paws. i never trusted him, were my brother's last words. i knew he meant kobi. kobi had murdered my family, taken my son, and left me to die in our home.
i went to thunderclan after this. i had no other home. i had no family, friends, mate, or even kits. i was alone and i needed help. thunderclan graciously accepted me into their camp and i've been there for many moons now. i had always believed there was someone watching over me, so i adapted to the idea of starclan with ease. i pray to them each night, that someday, somehow, they'll let me at least see my son. i just want to see him...[/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote]

but how many times will it take
oh, how many times will it take for me
to get it right
to get it right..

we laid her next to him
beneath the willow
while the angels sang
a whiskey lullaby

song lyircs: get it right by: the glee cast :3
& whisky lullaby by: brad paisley and alison krauss
credit to lilly-bo-billy-so-silly for the sadness of all that is mapley
color scheme by my love, a.k.a, colour lovers<3

[ℓιz]

Accepted(:

[Bear]

Theme song isn't needed.
Just makes the profile look more confusing to read.